About the Author
A self-professed commitment phobe, Elina went through a series of relationships only to find herself frustrated with her inability to sustain a lasting bond. One minute she was in for the long haul and the next she was bolting for the door. Tired of her ambivalence and inner conflict, she set out on a three-year journey to get to the bottom of her commitment issues once and for all. That’s what ultimately led her to write KISS AND RUN: The Single Picky, and Indecisive Girl’s Guide to Overcoming Her Fear of Commitment.
Relationship and life skills expert Elina Furman has written and co-written over twenty books, including Boomerang Nation: How to Survive Living with Your Parents the Second Time Around and The Everything Dating Book. She has appeared on over 100 national and local television and radio shows, such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS’ The Early Show, Weekend Today in New York, Geraldo at Large, CNNfn's Entrepreneurs Only, and Good Day Philadelphia. Frequently quoted in newspapers and magazines, her books have been featured in Time magazine, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, USA Today, The Washington Post, Entertainment Weekly, Cosmopolitan, Chicago Tribune, and Fortune.
Elina is a dynamic speaker who has lectured on various topics at universities and organizations such as Notre Dame University, University of New Hampshire, Viacom, and the Learning Annex.
She just recently took the plunge and got engaged. She and her fiancé live in New York City.
My Story
It’s time to come clean. I, Elina Furman, have a fear of commitment. I have always been a halfway kind of girl. I usually finish half of what’s on my plate before reaching for the dish across from me. I’m halfway through War and Peace. And I’m still halfway through planning exotic vacations I’m probably never going to take. The way I look at it, if it’s not interesting or engaging halfway through, there’s no point in going all the way.
The truth is that I’m terrified of seeing things through. I mean, what if you finish something and then realize it was a colossal waste of time? What if you sign up for a pottery class and find out you’re not good at it? Or, what if you start painting your bedroom one color and then decide you’re not really a lavender person after all? While I’m great at starting and planning, somehow along the way, I always lose the motivation to see things through. With so many options and possibilities, it’s all too easy to get sidetracked.
So when it comes to relationships, it’s no surprise that I was always half committed. Not that I strayed or cheated or anything. In fact, I pride myself on being a great partner. It’s just somewhere around the halfway mark, something happens. I lose momentum. I become distracted, depressed, and anxious. I forget why I’m there and start imagining what it would be like to be somewhere else entirely.
On the other hand, I am equally as scared to leave something good behind. As curious as I am about life’s infinite possibilities, I was always just as terrified of leaving the safe confines of a relationship. After all, what if this was as good as it got?
It has taken many years of introspection, reviewing my personal history, and watching myself sabotage every good thing in my life to finally realize that as much as I wanted stability and comfort, I was equally if not more petrified of making a permanent commitment.
Whether it was in my halfhearted efforts in school, my half-baked dance career, my quasi-committed relationships, or any of my gazillion half-finished jobs and business ideas, I always found myself losing interest before I could really immerse myself or master something. “Easy come, easy go!” was my motto. And while that attitude gave me the chance to explore a variety of interesting jobs, men, and creative impulses, I realized that in the end I didn’t have much to show for myself.
